Short Stuff

Two men are walking down the street…
I forget the punch-line, but your mother’s a whore.


Why did the bunny hop around on one leg?
Because the other one was on a key chain.


Two goldfish were in their tank.
One turns to the other and says,
“You man the guns, I’ll drive.”


Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
A. Hose A and Hose B


Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder!


Why did the belt get locked up?
Because he held up a pair of pants.


Q: How does a crazy person travel through the woods?
A: They take the psycho path.


Q: Why does Tigger smell?
A: You’d smell too if you played with Pooh all day!


what does the gay horse say???
haaaaaaaaaay


how did the tug boat get aids?
he was rear ended by a ferry!


What did one candle say to the other candle?
Want to go out tonight?


Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
Because it came out of the pen.


If you’re an American when you enter the restroom and an American when you leave, what are you when you’re inside?
European…


Do you know why they call it “PMS”? Because “Mad Cow Disease” was taken.


What do you call a proton with big hair?
A ‘froton.


Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”


I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.


I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”


I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.


Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.


What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.


An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.


Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.


Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a porch?
Matt.


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob.


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
Russel.


What do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting in a hottub?
Stew!


What do you call a woman with only one leg?
Ileen!


What do you call a man with no arms or legs that goes water skiing?
Skip!


What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a ditch?
Phil.


There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


How does a man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!


What do you call a dog with steel balls and no hind legs?
Sparky!


What does the Pillsbury Doughboy have under his apron?
Doughnuts!


How did the Pillsbury Doughboy die?
A yeast infection!


What do you call a dog wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want, he cant hear you.
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