Biology

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.


A TV viewer sent a headline to the Jay Leno Tonight Show that read “Integration of Physics into Cellular Biology Leads to Epidermal Solar Cells with Growth Vectors.”


Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.


Q: What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick?
A: Designer jeans.


It is well known that the blood contains white cells and red cells. But it is not so well known that white cells come in husband and wife forms. Evidence for this came when the renown medical researcher Dr. Sanguine listened to blood with a tiny microphone and heard a white wife cell say, “The way to a man’s heart in through his veins.”


Q: How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
A: An itsy bitsy book.


The bad news is that the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking. The good news is that none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.


The following is a true story about an anatomist.

One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. “Jump frog, jump!” he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, “Frog with four legs jumps two feet.”

Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. “Jump, jump!” To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, “Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet.”

Next, he removed a second leg. “Jump frog, jump!” The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, “Frog with two legs jumps one foot.”

Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. “Jump, jump!” The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, “Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet.”

Finally, he eliminated the last leg. “Jump, jump!” he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. “Jump frog, jump!” he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not response. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, “Frog with no legs goes deaf.”


Confucius’s once said, “When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire.”


When Jay Leno went J-walking and asked pedestrians biology questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about life:

Jay Leno: “How does blood circulate in the human body?”
A high school cheerleader: “I not exactly sure. Does it go down the right leg and up the left?”

Jay Leno: “Can you name the three kinds of blood vessels?”
A freshman at UCLA: “Yes. Arteries, veins and caterpillars.”

Jay Leno: Where is the alimentary canal located?”
A high school dropout: “Is it at the border of New York State and Canada?”


Q. What does DNA stand for?
A. National Dyslexics Association


At NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads “STAPH ONLY!”


Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes.


The wives of the American Society of Otolaryngologists have a cute saying: “The way to a man’s stomach is through his esophagus.”


An unemployed biologist was having considerable difficulty in finding a new job. He finally saw an add in a local newspaper for a position at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their only gorilla, which had been a star attraction, had recently died, and it would be sometime before they could replace it. Meanwhile, they needed someone to dress up as a gorilla and pretend to be the animal. The biologist was quite embarrassed, but, being desperate for money, he accepted the job.

The next day, the biologist put on a gorilla skin and headgear and entered a cage from a rear entrance. Visitors smiled at him and threw bread. After a while, the biologist really got into the act. He jumped up and down, beat his chest and roared as people cheered.

The following day, the biologist entered the wrong cage by accident and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed toward him. The scared biologist turned and ran, while screaming, “Help! Help!” The lion leaped onto the gorilla, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, “Hey, it’s me Leonard, your former co-worker. Shut up or we’ll both lose our jobs!”