SCIENCE!!

Told a chemistry joke in class today, there was no reaction

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Argon walks into a bar, the barman says “get the hell out!”.
Argon doesn’t react.

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Two guys walk into a bar.
First guy says “I’ll take a h2o.”
Second guy says “I’ll take h2o too!”
Second guy dies.

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Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.

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We would like to apologize for not adding more jokes… but we only update them…. periodically!

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Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na

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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon

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Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.”
Helium doesn’t react.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, “AU, get outta here!”

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”
The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.

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Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
A: HeHe

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Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro’s number!

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.”
The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”

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Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.

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As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren’t negative, they’re just misunderstood.

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The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state. –sent

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Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.

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Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

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Q: What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
A: OH SNaP!

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, “For you, no charge”.

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Q: What do you do with a dead chemist?
A: Barium –sent

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Q: What did one ion say to the other?
A: I’ve got my ion you.

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Q: Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
A: To reduce his carbon footprint. –sent

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Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Oh Bunsen, my flame,” the sodium pined. “I melt whenever I see you,” The Bunsen burner replied, “It’s just a phase you’re going through.” –sent

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Q: What do you call a clown who’s in jail?
A: A silicon. –sent

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Q: Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?
A: Because it’s pretty basic stuff.

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Q: What emotional disorder does a gas chomatograph suffer from?
A: Separation anxiety.

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Q: Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?
A: Because it’s in the ground state. –sent

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Florence Flask was getting ready for the opera. All of a sudden, she screamed: “Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!” The husband replied, “Calm down, honey. We’ll find a solution.”

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Q: If H20 is water, what is H204?
A: Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.

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Titanium is a most amorous metal. When it gets hot, it’ll combine with anything.

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Q: What did one titration say to the other?
A: “Let’s meet at the endpoint.”

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Q: What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?
A: Breaking up is hard to do.

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Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

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Q: What is “HIJKLMNO”?
A: H2O.

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Q: When one physicist asks another, “What’s new?” what’s the typical response?
A:C over lambda.

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Q: How did the chemist survive the famine?
A: By subsisting on titrations.

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Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.

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If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

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Q: Why can’t lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

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Q: What element is derived from a Norse god?
A: Thorium.

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Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

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Q: What element is a girl’s future best friend?
A: Carbon.

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Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4. —

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Q: What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.

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Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, “I’m positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them.”

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A chemistry professor couldn’t resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture. He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, “Remember, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!”

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One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: “Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023.”

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A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he’ll get an “F”, he asks a fellow student what she’s been doing. “We’ve been observing water under the microscope. We’re suppose to write up what we see.” The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them. The panic-stricken student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes, “During this laboratory, I examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H’s as O’s.”

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Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.

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The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines cation as a positively charged kitten.

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Q: What is the chemical name of the following benzene-like molecule?

PhD PhD
\ /
C – C
/ \
C C
\ /
C – C
A: Orthodox

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If you succeeding in guessing the answer to the previous joke, then you figure out this one:
Q: What is the chemical name of the following benzene-like molecule?

4
\
C – C 4
/ \ /
C C
\ /
C – C
A: Metaphor

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Q: What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny?
A: An ether bunny

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Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED

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Q: What is the chemical symbol for diarrhea?
A: (CO(NH2)2)2

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Chemistry Joke 13:
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They’re cheaper than day rates.

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Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy?
A: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe

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Here is a historical note: In the 1980’s, in an effort to increase public awareness about the importance of chemistry, the American Chemical Society posted billboards with a picture of C6H10 and the title, “It takes alkynes to make a world.”

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Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!

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Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O?
A: Seawater

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Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.

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Q: If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?
A: A mole of molasses.

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Q: What does a teary-eyed, joyful Santa say about chemistry?
A: HOH, HOH, HOH!

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Susan was in chemistry. Susan is no more, for what she thought was H2O was H2SO4.

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Q: Why is potassium a racist element?
A: Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.

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An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, “What are you in for?” To which the latter replied, “For attempting a forbidden transition.”

Q: What is the dullest element?
A: Bohrium

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At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, “Never lick the spoon.”

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Q: How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?
A: A wild protestor.

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Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocados number.

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I was in chemistry class today and the teacher asked me to name an element. So I stood up right in front of her and shouted “AHHHHH!”
Startled, she said ” What was that!?”
“The element of surprise” I said.

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Q: If both a bear in Yosemite and one in Alaska fall into the water, which one dissolves faster?
A: The one in Alaska because it is Polar!

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Two chemists meet for the first time at a symposium. One is American, one is British. The British chemists asks the American chemist, “So what do you do for research?” The American responds, “Oh, I work with arsoles.” The Brit responds, “Yes, sometimes my colleagues get on my nerves also.”

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Q: What is a cation afraid of?
A: A dogion

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Q: Why do chemists prefer nitrates?
A: They’re cheaper than day rates!

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Biology Joke 1:
Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

Biology Joke 2:
A TV viewer sent a headline to the Jay Leno Tonight Show that read “Integration of Physics into Cellular Biology Leads to Epidermal Solar Cells with Growth Vectors.”

Biology Joke 3:
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.

Biology Joke 4:
Q: What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick?
A: Designer jeans.

Biology Joke 5:
It is well known that the blood contains white cells and red cells. But it is not so well known that white cells come in husband and wife forms. Evidence for this came when the renown medical researcher Dr. Sanguine listened to blood with a tiny microphone and heard a white wife cell say, “The way to a man’s heart in through his veins.”

Biology Joke 6:
Q: How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
A: An itsy bitsy book.

Biology Joke 7:
The bad news is that the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Amoebas is shrinking. The good news is that none of the amoebas has lost any of their members.

Biology Joke 8:
The following is a true story about an anatomist.

One day after sleeping badly, an anatomist went to his frog laboratory and removed from a cage one frog with white spots on its back. He placed it on a table and drew a line just in front of the frog. “Jump frog, jump!” he shouted. The little critter jumped two feet forward. In his lab book, the anatomist scribbled, “Frog with four legs jumps two feet.”

Then, he surgically removed one leg of the frog and repeated the experiment. “Jump, jump!” To which, the frog leaped forward 1.5 feet. He wrote down, “Frog with three legs jumps 1.5 feet.”

Next, he removed a second leg. “Jump frog, jump!” The frog managed to jump a foot. He scribbled in his lab book, “Frog with two legs jumps one foot.”

Not stopping there, the anatomist removed yet another leg. “Jump, jump!” The poor frog somehow managed to move 0.5 feet forward. The scientist wrote, “Frog with one leg jumps 0.5 feet.”

Finally, he eliminated the last leg. “Jump, jump!” he shouted, encouraging forward progress for the frog. But despite all its efforts, the frog could not budge. “Jump frog, jump!” he cried again. It was no use; the frog would not response. The anatomist thought for a while and then wrote in his lab book, “Frog with no legs goes deaf.”

Biology Joke 9:
Confucius’s once said, “When you breathe, you inspire, and when you do not breathe, you expire.”

Biology Joke 10:
When Jay Leno went J-walking and asked pedestrians biology questions, he discovered some amazing new facts about life:

Jay Leno: “How does blood circulate in the human body?”
A high school cheerleader: “I not exactly sure. Does it go down the right leg and up the left?”

Jay Leno: “Can you name the three kinds of blood vessels?”
A freshman at UCLA: “Yes. Arteries, veins and caterpillars.”

Jay Leno: Where is the alimentary canal located?”
A high school dropout: “Is it at the border of New York State and Canada?”

Biology Joke 11:
Q. What does DNA stand for?
A. National Dyslexics Association

Biology Joke 12:
At NIH (National Institute of Health), there is a sign on the door of a microbiology lab that reads “STAPH ONLY!”

Biology Joke 13:
Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down its genes.

Biology Joke 14:
The wives of the American Society of Otolaryngologists have a cute saying: “The way to a man’s stomach is through his esophagus.”

Biology Joke 15:
An unemployed biologist was having considerable difficulty in finding a new job. He finally saw an add in a local newspaper for a position at a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that their only gorilla, which had been a star attraction, had recently died, and it would be sometime before they could replace it. Meanwhile, they needed someone to dress up as a gorilla and pretend to be the animal. The biologist was quite embarrassed, but, being desperate for money, he accepted the job.

The next day, the biologist put on a gorilla skin and headgear and entered a cage from a rear entrance. Visitors smiled at him and threw bread. After a while, the biologist really got into the act. He jumped up and down, beat his chest and roared as people cheered.

The following day, the biologist entered the wrong cage by accident and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed toward him. The scared biologist turned and ran, while screaming, “Help! Help!” The lion leaped onto the gorilla, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, “Hey, it’s me Leonard, your former co-worker. Shut up or we’ll both lose our jobs!”

Physics Joke 1:
When a third grader was asked to cite Newton’s first law, she said, “Bodies in motion remain in motion, and bodies at rest stay in bed unless their mothers call them to get up.”

Physics Joke 2:
Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms

Physics Joke 3:
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position.

Physics Joke 4:
A neutron walked into a bar and asked, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, no charge.”

Physics Joke 5:
Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.

Physics Joke 6:
Two atoms were walking across a road when one of them said, “I think I lost an electron!” “Really!” the other replied, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I ‘m absolutely positive.”

Physics Joke 7:
When a third-grade student was asked to define the term “vacuum” in class, she answered, “A vacuum is an empty region of space where the Pope lives.”

Physics Joke 8:
Q: Which right-hand rule do students use on bad physics professors?
A: Step 1: Extend your right arm forward from the elbow. Step 2: Keeping your palm facing to the left, stick out your middle finger. Step 3: Rotate your hand 90 degrees clockwise.

Physics Joke 9:
Here is a teaching tip for physics professors: When a student tries to paraphrase something you have just taught, feed her or him the following line: “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” This will guarantee that the student will not interrupt your class again until the next semester.

Physics Joke 10:
Murphy’s Ten Laws for String Theorists:

(1) If you fix a mistake in a mathematical superstring calculation, another one will show up somewhere else.
(2) If your results are based on the work of others, then one such work will turn out to be wrong. (3) The longer your article, the more likely your computer hard disk drive will fail while you are typing the references.
(4) The better your research result, the more likely it will be rejected by the referee of a journal; on the other hand, if your work is wrong but not obviously so, it will be accepted for publication right away.
(5) If a result seems to good to be true, it is unless you are one of the top ten string theorists in the world. (By the way, these theorists refer to their results as “string miracles”.)
(6) Your most startling string-theoretic theorem will turn out to be valid in only two spatial dimensions or less.
(7) When giving a string seminar, nobody will follow anything you say after the first minute, but, if miraculously someone does, then that person will point out a flaw in your reasoning half-way through your talk and what will be worse is that your grant review officer will happen to be in the audience.
(8) For years, nobody will ever notice the fudge factors in your calculations, but when you come up for tenure they will surface like fish being tossed fresh breadcrumbs.
(9) If you are a graduate student working on string theory, then the field will be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.; Even worse, if you start over with a new thesis topic, the new field will also be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.
(10) If you discover an interesting string model, then it will predict at least one low-energy, observable particle not seen in Nature.

In summary, anything in string theory that theoretically can go wrong will go wrong, but if nothing does go theoretically wrong, then experimentally it is ruled out.

Physics Joke 11:
Have you heard that entropy isn’t what it used to be?

Physics Joke 12:
Q: Where does bad light end up?
A: In a prism.

Physics Joke 13:
Title: A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and rode across the Wheatstone Bridge into a magnetic field, next to a flowing current , to watch the sine waves.

Micro Farad was very much stimulated by Millie’s characteristic curve. Being attractive himself, he soon had her field fully excited. He set her on the ground potential, raised his frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage probe. When he inserted it in parallel, he short-circuited her shunt. Fully excited, Millie cried out, “ohm, ohm, give me mho”. As he increased his tube to maximum output, her coil vibrated from the current flow. It did not take long for her shunt to reach maximum heat. Now with the excessive current shortening her shunt, Micro’s capacity rapidly discharged – every electron was drained off. But that was not the end of it. Indeed, they fluxed all night, tried various connections and hookings until his bar magnet weakened, and he could no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field. With his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so they went home. A few weeks later, they were merged forever and oscillated happily ever after.

Physics Joke 14:
A physics professor, who was teaching a graduate course on superstring theory, decided to add an essay question to this year’s final exam. The instructions read, “Describe the universe in 400 words or less and give three examples.”

Physics Joke 15:
This is apparently a true story. It took place just outside of Munich, Germany.
Heisenberg went for a drive and got stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asked, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replied, “No, but I know where I am.”

Physics Joke 16:
The following is a little known, true story about Albert Einstein (attributed to Paul Harvey).

Albert Einstein was just about finished his work on the theory of special relativity, when he decided to take a break and go on vacation to Mexico. So he hopped on a plane and headed to Acapulco. Each day, late in the afternoon, sporting dark sunglasses, he walked in the white Mexican sand and breathed in the fresh Pacific sea air. On the last day, he paused during his stroll to sit down on a bench and watch the Sun set. When the large orange ball was just disappearing, a last beam of light seemed to radiate toward him. The event brought him back to thinking about his physics work. “What symbol should I use for the speed of light?” he asked himself. The problem was that nearly every Greek letter had been taken for some other purpose. Just then, a beautiful Mexican woman passed by. Albert Einstein just had to say something to her. Almost out of desperation, he asked as he lowered his dark sunglasses, “Do you not zink zat zee speed of light is zery fast?” The woman smiled at Einstein (which, by the way, made his heart sink) and replied, “Si.”
And know you know the rest of the story.

Physics Joke 17:
Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

Physics Joke 18:
It has been rumored that Edmund Scientific is trying to keep up with the times. The following amusing incident confirms this belief. The Chairman of a Physics Department ordered some lab equipment from the company. When the package arrived, a secretary opened it and found the following warning label: “Despite its superficial appearance, this product at a microscopic level might be made of strings. Manufacturer will prosecute to the maximum extent of the copyright law any attempt to make a supersymmetric version.

Physics Joke 19:
Q: What is the simplest way to observe the optical Doppler effect?

A: Go out at and look at cars. The lights of the ones approaching you are white, while the lights of the ones moving away from you are red.

Physics Joke 20:
The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines an elementary particle as the dreams that stuff is made of.

Physics Joke 21:
The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines a transistor as a nun who’s had a sex change.

Physics Joke 22:
The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines hyperspace as the place where you park your limousine at a superstore.

Physics Joke 23:
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

Physics Joke 24:
The Heineken Uncertainty Principle says “You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.”

Physics Joke 25:
When a travel agent was asked if faster-than-light flights were available, she said, “Yes, but tickets must be purchased at least three weeks in advance and a Saturday night stay is required.”

Physics Joke 26:
Q: What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class?
A: Quark, quark, quark!

Physics Joke 27:
Q: What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other?
A: “Gotta split!”

Physics Joke 28:
Physics quote of the day: Anything that doesn’t matter has no mass.

Physics Joke 29:
According to Einstein’s Theory of Relatives, the probability of in-laws visiting you is directly proportional to how much you feel like being left alone.

Physics Joke 30:
There has been too much action in reaction to political scandals. Please write to your congressman to repeal Newton’s third law.

Physics Joke 31:
Einstein’s favorite limerick was:
There was an old lady called Wright
who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day
in a relative way
and returned on the previous night.

Physics Joke 32:A Cartoon about CERN (size=31 K)

Physics Joke 33:
A student riding in a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited he asks, “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”

Physics Joke 34:
Three months before his 1905 seminal relativity paper, Einstein perform the following thought experiment, which, by the way, is known as a gedanken experiment in theoretical physics:

Einstein imagined, “If I vere to put my hand on a hot stove for a minute, it vould seem like an hour. But if I vere to sit with a pretty girl for an hour, it vould seem like a minute. By Jove, I think time is relative.”

A little boy refused to run anymore. When his mother asked him why, he replied, “I heard that the faster you go, the shorter you become.”

A six-year-old boy spotted Albert Einstein walking down the street and decided to try out his favorite joke on him: “Mr. Einstein! Why did the chicken cross the road?” To which the famous physicist replied, “My young burgeoning mind, zee question does not have a definite anzer. Vether zee chicken crossed zee road or zee road crossed zee chicken depends on your frame of reference.”

There is a sign in Munich that says, “Heisenberg might have slept here.”

Jupiter Scientific is pleased to report that physicists have embarked on their own product safety campaign, recommending that manufacturers provide consumers with all of the following labels:

WARNING: Due to its heavy mass, this product warps the space surrounding it. No health hazards are yet known to be associated with effect.

NOTE: This product may actually be nine-dimensional but, if this is the case, functionality is not affected by the extra six dimensions.

HEALTH WARNING: This product (and every product of the Manufacturer) emits low-level nuclear radiation.

NOTE: A subatomic “glue” holds the fundamental constituents of this product together. Since the exact nature of this glue is not yet fully understood, its adhesive power cannot be guaranteed. To date, no known malfunction of the product has resulted from glue failure.

DISCLAIMER: Manufacturer is not responsible for loss should this product disappear into a wormhole.

LIMITED WARRANTY: Despite the efforts of the Manufacturer, the chaos in this package has increased since being shipped. If such chaos has rendered the product defective, Buyer shall not hold Manufacturer responsible. Claims in this regard should be aimed directly at the Shipper.

NOTE: Despite its appearance, this product is more than 99.99% empty space.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING: According to quantum theory, this product may collapse into another state if directly observed.

HANDLE WITH CARE: This product contains countless, minute, electrically charged particles moving at extremely high speeds.

EXTREME CAUTION: This product has an energy-equivalent that, if exploded, could destroy a small town. Under no circumstance shall a User perform a mass-energy transformation on any of the contents in this package. In case of misuse, liability shall rest entirely with the User.

GUARANTEED RETURN CLAUSE: Because of the uncertainty principle, we have shipped this product with a limited speed notice. However, if shippers have disregarded our notice, we cannot guarantee that all the contents are in the box. If you discover missing components, please call the 1-800 number on the instruction sheet.

IMPORTANT: This product is composed of 100% matter: It is the responsibility of the User to make sure that it does not come in contact with antimatter. Under no circumstances will the Manufacturer be liable for User mishandling in this regard.

QUALITY STANDARD: The electrons, protons and neutrons are guaranteed to be of same quality as those used in other products of the Manufacturer.

DISAPPEARANCE EXCLUSION: Due to quantum tunneling, there is an extremely tiny chance that this product may suddenly disappear at any time (and reappear elsewhere). The Manufacturer will not be responsible for such mysterious disappearances.

AS REQUIRED BY LAW, we must inform you that any use of this product increases the amount of disorder in the universe. As of the date shipped, Congress has not passed any bills assigning a tax on disorder pollution.

USE LIMITATION: This product cannot be guaranteed to function normally near a black hole.

Ten little known facts about relativity:
(1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
(2) Energy equals milk chocolate square (attributed to Albert E. Hersey)
(3) Delivery of Christmas gifts by Santa to the children of the world is now accomplished by riding Rudolf the red-shift reindeer.
(4) The general relativity theory of gravitation is responsible for people falling in love.
(5) The speed of an IRS tax refund is constant.
(6) Anger is neither created nor conserved but only changed from one form to another.
(7) The speed of time is one second per second, which is also called the fundamental unity.
(8) Death and taxes are the same for all constantly moving observers.
(9) Moving midgets are shortened.
(10) Divorce and alimony are equivalent but the latter is multiplied by an enormous factor.

Q: How were three graduate physics students able to demonstrated that a human could travel faster than light?
A: The three students went to a store and bought a stop watch and a candle. Then, they proceeded to a high school track field. The first student lit the candle and began to walk around the track. The second student waited a while and then ran after the first student. The third student worked the stop watch because physics experiments require precise measurements. When the second student rounded the track and came in first, the three students concluded that humans could travel faster than light.

Q: What did the male magnet say to the female magnet?
A: From your backside, I thought you were repulsive. However, after seeing you from the front, I find you rather attractive.

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